When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
