So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
