Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
