I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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