He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
