I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
