: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
