Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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