Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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