I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
