I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
