you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
