I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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