i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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