We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
