the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
