I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
