Already got asked if we're dating
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
