Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
