so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
