i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
