i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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