you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
