two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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