well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
