and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
