How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
