Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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