can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
