I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sober January is a disaster.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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