I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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