Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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