According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I just went to clothing optional bar
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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