I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
