thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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