Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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