foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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