i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
