just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
