I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
