Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
