i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
