Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
