We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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