we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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