Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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