How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he shaved USA in his pubs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
