I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
