Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
