I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
